Time in possession: At least 5 years, although it could be as much as 6 or 7.Description: Mostly alive cactus plant held in a coffee tin, painted red. Black label, with the name "MILHOUSE" printed on it. FULL OF MYSTERY (and dust).
Cost: A gift from Erica. Shall we say 3$ for the plant and 1$ for the can and the paint and the label. Okay, 1.13$.
Story: Erica (my former girlfriend of five and a half years) bought me this cactus plant for a birthday years ago, and named it Milhouse after the Simpsons character of the same name, as in "Everything is coming up Milhouse!". He's lived in the small basement window of my room ever since.
Milhouse is a trooper. I constantly forget to water him and I'm pretty sure my window is a shitty spot to get light, yet he has continued to live for years now, something which is pretty damn impressive considering. He's been dropped multiple times, forgotten for many long months at a go and generally abused and neglected in all the ways one could do such a thing to a plant. (Wait, imagination kicked in. There are many ways I could abuse poor Milhouse which had never crossed my mind until this very moment, and I will emphatically never partake in them. I mean, in the first place, he's a CACTUS for crying out loud!)
It's nice to have a plant in my room, and I'll be kind of upset when Milhouse finally kicks the bucket. You can see that his lower extremities are starting to lose the lush green colour, so it might be any day now. I hope not. I'm kind of attached to the little guy.
I wrote a poem one day inspired by him, although more about a girl. The girl wasn't Erica by the way, although I suppose the poem wasn't really about the girl I was thinking of when I wrote it in the end so much as a fictional amalgamation of girls which is generally the case when I try to write about people I know. I actually read the poem at an open mic night days after writing it, something I hadn't really expected to do when writing it, but I suppose makes sense in hindsight. I mean, why would a performer go to an open mic night unless he takes his turn on the stage? I think I might have a problem.
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