Item Number 38: Portable Game System, Sega Game Gear (x3)

Time in possession: Between 6 and 4 years, depending on the individual unit.

Description: 3 Sega Game Gear systems, all suffering from various degrees of abandon. Only one of the systems actually works for any length of time, although I haven't checked in a while so that may no longer be true.

Cost: One of these systems belonged to an ex-girlfriend who was done with it, but I honestly can't remember where I came across another two. If I had to guess one of them would have been bought at a flea market (I'd often buy boxes filled with old video game stuff from people who weren't aware of what they were selling or just didn't care) and another off an eBay case lot. Really though, I couldn't tell you for sure. Lets just say $40 for the lot. That's actually pretty generous considering.

Story: I didn't know a lot about video games when I was a kid. I mean, I did read all the game magazines I could get my hands on and played as many as my parents would allow me, but in hindsight there wasn't a lot of thought going into my video game selections. The early games I nearly broke myself trying to beat on my NES? Mission Impossible, Werewolf, Iron Sword? They really, really sucked. If not for my childhood ignorance and stubborn drive I wouldn't have played any of those games for any length of time. I certainly wouldn't now. All that being said, I always, even back then, knew that the Game Gear was a shitty system.

The Sega Game Gear was Sega's answer to the Game Boy, a phenomenally more successful machine. (according to the ever reliable wikipedia the Game Boy sold 69 million units while the Game Gear only managed 8.9) Now before I go off sounding like a Nintendo fan boy (which, to be honest, I am) there were some nice features on the Game Gear: It had a colour screen which was back lit, a feature that would take Nintendo over a decade to implement in their own handhelds. It was easier for many people to hold, being wider. It eventually got a TV tuner, turning the system into a portable TV which was a pretty neat use of the technology. See, already I'm grasping at straws. The system's flaws more then make up the difference here: The colour screen was prone to becoming a blurred mess and worse than that was prone to burning out (the problem with two of my systems). The machine was a battery monster, chewing through 6AAs typically in 5 hours. Those batteries made the thing a heavy brick (just what you want in a portable electronic device!) and the worst sin of all: It didn't have any good games.

It is telling that when the original Game Boy was being given the intense shot in the arm that was Pokemon ('98) the Game Gear had already petered off into nothingness, dropped from support and forgotten. Owning one, I find myself seldom drawn to do anything with the system, although should a bugler ever break in I would not be opposed to hucking it at their head. These things have got to be good for something, right?

(Edit: Actually, they are good for something! They allowed this post to use both the "broken" and the "broken?" tags. Nobody cares except me...)

Item Number 30: Coleco Telstar

Time in possession: About 4 years

Description: White plastic Coleco Telstar dedicated game console. Features two knobs for game play as well as several switches for game variations and a reset button. Runs off of AC power or 6 D batteries. Face has several decals, one of which is a peeling faux-wood panel motif. Because when you think video games, you think WOOD.

Cost: $10 at the local flea market, the Mulvey Market.

Story: When I first began collecting video games, a friend of mine informed me that he had an original Pong TV game machine. I instantly wanted one. Well, I didn't really want it, but I felt like I should have one, that no video game collection could be complete without it. Little did I know at the time that there were actually many, many different pong clones out in the world. The Telstar was simply Coleco's attempt at it: One that would be re-iterated over and over until the market was glutted with game systems that played Pong and Pong variations. Still, at that time I thought the idea was quite novel and so I mentally reinforced my desire to own a machine.

When, years later, I came across one, I bought it almost on instinct. Plus, $10? I've spent more money on CANDY. Well, I can't actually back that up. Stupid stuff, though, I've definitely spent more than $10 on stupid stuff. That, this blog backs up pretty well, I think. The thing was, did I care? Umm... not so much. Once I got the system home, it took me weeks to attempt to hook it up, and, after one unsuccessful attempt, I gave up on it. So now it sits on my game systems shelf, gathering dust and wondering when I'll get around to tinkering with it again. Time is probably not coming any time soon. I mean, if I want to play a two player game, I've got tons that are better then a Pong machine, and if I really want to play Pong, I'll probably just play Air Hockey in Wii Play instead.

For now it remains a $10 conversation piece, and only really appreciated by nerds. Maybe I could turn it into a lunchbox or something....

Item Number 16: Video Game System, Sega 32X

Time in possession: 3 years? During one of my several eBay sprees.

Description: Sega 32X system, minus cables. Works fine and is in decent condition. A wonderful reminder of Sega's excess and subsequent fall from grace. Also, one of my key "You've got one of THOSE??" comment-grabbing items.

Cost: Pretty cheap- I don't think I paid more then 20$. At least I hope so.

Story: As the end of the 16-Bit video game console wars drew to a close (for those of you not in the know, that would have been the competition between the Sega Genesis, Super Nintendo and Turbo Graphix 16 systems, all of which are now conveniently enough download able onto the Nintendo Wii system) there was much speculation as to what the next set of systems would be like. History now shows the next wave to be the Sega Saturn, Sony PlayStation, Nintendo 64 and to a much lesser extent, the Atari Jaguar. So where does this thing come in?

The Sega 32X was supposed to be a genuine 32-bit system (like the Saturn and PlayStation), but rather then a totally new console, it was an add-on to the previous generation's Genesis. The Genesis was no stranger to add ons- It had also had a rather poorly received CD add on which ending up being indirectly involved in the cancellation of Nintendo's planned CD add on and as such as the creation of the Sony PlayStation (hereafter the PSX). But that's all a totally different story. I'm sorry, you probably don't care about any of this, but this is what happens when I read a whole bunch of books about the history of the video game industry. I'm a dork. ANYWAY, to make a long story short, the 32X sucked. It didn't do 3D, which was what people were flocking to the PSX for, and it didn't even do whatever the hell else it was supposed to do well. On top of that, it looked ridiculous on top the the Genesis. For those poor (both in luck and money) folks who had both add ons to their genesis, they were left with a freakish Frankenstein-esque console that really only had a couple of good games that people with a plain old Genesis couldn't play.

So why did I buy the thing?

When I saw the opportunity to own a 32X, I really couldn't resist. It wasn't a lot of money (as I recall) and at that point I had only really known about it through reputation. So, I took it home, dusted off one of my Genesis systems, and plugged the sucker in. It didn't work. I realized it needed another power bar, so I dug one out, plugged it in, turned it on. It didn't work. Then I realized that it needed a cable connecting it to the Genesis for the visual inputs. There, I was stuck, and have been to this day.

As far as can figure, the system works by having some of the work being done by the Genesis, which it then superimposes it's own image on top of. For instance, in the Star Wars arcade game (the only game I have bought for the system) plugging in the Genesis shows me a HUD, while plugging in the 32X shows me a star field. It seems to me that that would be ridiculously hard to program for, which might explain why only a handful of games were made for the monstrosity. It currently sits on my shelf, a reminder of Sega's folly. And my own I guess. Anybody want to sell me the connector cable to one of these things? I don't really want to play it, but it would be nice to have the option....